Last few days, the weather was not very pleasant and I stayed at home for three day straight. I realized that I was quite depressed. All that (Frankly 70% Shopping, 30%Internet Browsing) I have been doing is to try to keep my mind occupied. For the time that I took Elim out for pictures and visits to the garden, are just out of guilt. When the weather forbidden these activities and I am all home alone, I can't stop myself from missing my dad. I felt miserable on my very first Mother's Day and Elim's 6m celebration. When I became a parent, I lost my parent. When Elim turns 6m old, my father has passed away for three months. All these milestones bring not happiness but sadness to me. I still remember the moment when I got the birthday cake (2wk after his departure). The time when I need to smile but I just couldn't. I know that I should play with Elim more often, but I just couldn't. Now, she won't smile to me. No wonder people said children are like mirrors. Oh, I feel guilty for this.
On a rainy night, where both the sky and my heart are blues, hubby told me that Elim is not a reminder of sadness but a little angel that God sent to accompany me, to cheer me up and to continue the legacy of all the wonderful memories that my father and I build together.
Thanks God for placing these two marvelous men in my life.
